11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sorry about my life...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
