i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
