I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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