booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Man, jail baloney is awful.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
