All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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