Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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