Me too!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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