do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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