ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
