The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
