i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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