This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
