Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize