Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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