i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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