Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
