just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.