If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?