she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires