you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao