Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online