nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
