Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
