Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
