alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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