How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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