this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
