we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
