he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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