Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize