maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
