Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
