Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
