I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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