I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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