I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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