Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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