The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
