Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
