I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
