So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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