Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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