My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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