She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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