I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
