I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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