3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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