I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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