i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
