Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
