guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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