So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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