Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
