Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
