you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she peed on how many people?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
