My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
