Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
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just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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