OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
