Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
