listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
