You can't special order awesome
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
