I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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