Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
