he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
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anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize