Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize