apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
