I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize