hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
