One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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