it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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